Comedy has been my way to reconcile with the world. I didn't really set out to do this, but comedy has served as my outlet to address my issues I have with this crazy world.

Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.

Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.

Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.

The world treats beautiful people like they're good at something, which makes it so that they almost never get good at something.

It may not be in the constitution, but every American has a god-given right to provinciality and ignorance.

You forget how crazy people are in New York, all the people on the sidewalk. When you leave here, everyone's in their car. But I get back here - I just went to throw something in the garbage, and there was a guy in the garbage. And he wasn't looking in it; he is in it, looking out over 9th Ave like a fisherman.