Comedy has been my way to reconcile with the world. I didn't really set out to do this, but comedy has served as my outlet to address my issues I have with this crazy world.

What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.

I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to make sure it's not to salty.

I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.

The best thing about bugs is their lack of self consciousness, also the ability to fly doesn't hurt.

Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.

Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.