Comedy has been my way to reconcile with the world. I didn't really set out to do this, but comedy has served as my outlet to address my issues I have with this crazy world.

Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.

You forget how crazy people are in New York, all the people on the sidewalk. When you leave here, everyone's in their car. But I get back here - I just went to throw something in the garbage, and there was a guy in the garbage. And he wasn't looking in it; he is in it, looking out over 9th Ave like a fisherman.

Sex sells, but doesn't work so well as a strong-arm tactic. Give me your purse or I'll make out with you so hard.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.

Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.