Coming to terms with my feelings of worthlessness isn't always a bad time, but it's rarely a good one.

Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.

Great marriages are like the Higgs Boson particle, its existence has been theorized, but no one has ever seen one.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

Dating is great unless you don't like horrible awkwardness, lying, and a deep foreboding sense of disappointment that never goes away.

Unlicensed, illegal immigrants are the safest drivers on the road.

No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.