Coming to terms with my feelings of worthlessness isn't always a bad time, but it's rarely a good one.

If no-eye contact sex were a sport, I'm not saying I'd make it to the Olympics, but I like my chances.

I hate to see a woman cry, unless of course I'm crying first in which case I feel it's appropriate.

Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?

White people set goals, rappers 'chase paper', and the Chinese are too busy doing both to talk about either one.

Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.

If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you're probably a bad actor.