You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.

Nothing good about the sun if you're trying to watch television with out curtains.

The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.

White people set goals, rappers 'chase paper', and the Chinese are too busy doing both to talk about either one.

Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.

When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.

Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.