You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.

If I were a bad black comic I would name my special, Yo mama, and other stories of a lack of self awareness.

It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.

I really appreciate the way you don't appreciate me, said my subconscious as I agreed to go out with her yet again.

Saying, have a great work-out is like saying, I hope you pull something.

Is it a bad sign when you see the person you're dating and get the same feeling as if you just saw police lights in you're rear view mirror?

Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you.