Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?
Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.
Quality thoughts will turn their back on you if you don't treat them with respect.
Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
There must be 15 shows about people's jobs: 'Ice Road Trucker,' 'Axe Men,' 'Dirty Jobs.' Unemployment is so high, we're watching people work.