Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.

People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.

The great thing about having a small family is that there are fewer people to disappoint.

All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.

Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.

Trannies dress up like women, then try to bang straight guys. They're the adrenaline junkies of gayness.

There must be 15 shows about people's jobs: 'Ice Road Trucker,' 'Axe Men,' 'Dirty Jobs.' Unemployment is so high, we're watching people work.