You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.

Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.

Domestic abuse is wrong, but domestic retribution is okay.

White people set goals, rappers 'chase paper', and the Chinese are too busy doing both to talk about either one.

Monogamy is god's way of making death seem like a more reasonable option.

Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.

Saying, have a great work-out is like saying, I hope you pull something.