You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.

People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.

The best thing about bugs is their lack of self consciousness, also the ability to fly doesn't hurt.

Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.

The great thing about having a small family is that there are fewer people to disappoint.

Age is just a number, unless of course your trying to have a conversation with them.

Vegas; one of the few places still encouraging men in their fifties to dress like their in a boy-band from the 80's.