I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.

The great thing about having a small family is that there are fewer people to disappoint.

Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.

When maintaining a relationship means diminishing your self, it's time to walk.

Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?

If no-eye contact sex were a sport, I'm not saying I'd make it to the Olympics, but I like my chances.

Domestic abuse is wrong, but domestic retribution is okay.