I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.

If you carry a paperback book in your back pocket, but spend more time on your hair than you do reading it, you're probably a bad actor.

People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.

I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.

Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.

I'd like you much better if you didn't like yourself so much.

People who say life is precious don't spend much time on line at the airport.