I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.

At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.

I spend so much time alone that whenever I see my shadow I feel crowded.

My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.

I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.

Homemade' sounds much better when not referring to tattoos.

Quality thoughts will turn their back on you if you don't treat them with respect.