Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.

Gay men greet each other just like straight guys do... If one of the straight guys saved the other one's life.

Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.

If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.