Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Sex sells, but doesn't work so well as a strong-arm tactic. Give me your purse or I'll make out with you so hard.

I have a sneaking suspicion that leading an examined life and being really tan aren't consistent with one another.

Can you spare some change? is never a good pick up line.

Canadians are like Americans, just less racist, violent, and ignorant.

The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.

Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.