Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.

Latin women enjoy being women more than other women.

The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.

Dating is great unless you don't like horrible awkwardness, lying, and a deep foreboding sense of disappointment that never goes away.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.