Nature's beauty never fails to fill me with a sense of wonder and awe, and still, I refuse to go camping.

Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.

Most people that commit to a life of celibacy weren't leaving that much on the table in the first place.

Saying, have a great work-out is like saying, I hope you pull something.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women.

A lot of people wouldn't feel miserable in this environment. A lot of people aren't dating my girlfriend.