When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.

Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.

America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.

Dating is great unless you don't like horrible awkwardness, lying, and a deep foreboding sense of disappointment that never goes away.

One day I'd like to beat you at your own game, but your game is badmitton so that will probably never happen.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.