When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

I've decided to aim a telescope at my neighbour's window. It's the closest I'll ever come to living with someone comfortably.

America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.

The fabric of society is woven together by the needle of suppression and denial.

How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?

You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.