Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, Satan is a myth... I guess.

The best thing about bugs is their lack of self consciousness, also the ability to fly doesn't hurt.

Dating a white girl is like dating a black girl if she were really passive-agressive.

Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.

Space and time are figments of you're imagination, unless the guy you're flying next to won't shut up.

You're pregnant? Congratulations, the world needs another mindless, semiliterate consumer.

You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.