Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, Satan is a myth... I guess.

Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.

All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.

I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought; but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.

I'm pretty sure whoever said, people are wonderful spent very little time with people.

People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.

Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.