Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

Nothing good about the sun if you're trying to watch television with out curtains.

There are few places more lonely than a crowded night club.

Comedy is a cruel mistress, especially if you're already seeing a really cruel mistress.

I like Irish pubs, except for all the loud music and drinking, and people acting like idiots.

My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.

Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.