Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.

We're born alone and we die alone. So in between, let's spend time with people that make us feel good... or at least put-out.

The Nazis were well dressed. Today's racists are a rag-tag bunch with no sense of style or panache.

Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.

If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.

Few things are more negative than thinking positive for no reason.