I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought; but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.

When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.

Women often use large fake breasts like a gun, pointing the weapon at you in an attempt to garner the attention their father never gave them.

Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.

I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.

The color red is associated with romance and blood, but not at the same time.

Writing a new film about cereal killers. Not serial killers, cereal killers. The main character can eat two, three boxes at a time.