There are few places more lonely than a crowded night club.

A high percentage of vegan men look like lesbians.

Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.

I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought; but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.

Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.

If no-eye contact sex were a sport, I'm not saying I'd make it to the Olympics, but I like my chances.

When rappers call each other son it leads me to believe they don't take fatherhood very seriously.