Flying first class means sitting next to a better class of person I don't want to talk to.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

The world treats beautiful people like they're good at something, which makes it so that they almost never get good at something.

I'd find myself more interesting if I weren't with me all the time.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.