Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.

The language of love may be universal, but it's not one of the options on an ATM machine.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?

Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.

Sex sells, unless you're dehydrated in which case you'd be much more likely to purchase water.

Dating a white girl is like dating a black girl if she were really passive-agressive.