Quality thoughts will turn their back on you if you don't treat them with respect.

It may not be in the constitution, but every American has a god-given right to provinciality and ignorance.

I have a sneaking suspicion that leading an examined life and being really tan aren't consistent with one another.

Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, Satan is a myth... I guess.

I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.

If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.

Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?