The Middle East is America's 'champagne room'. No matter how much you spend, you will still never get what you want.

People that say I'm really sensitive rarely are.

Coming to terms with my feelings of worthlessness isn't always a bad time, but it's rarely a good one.

If no-eye contact sex were a sport, I'm not saying I'd make it to the Olympics, but I like my chances.

I really appreciate the way you don't appreciate me, said my subconscious as I agreed to go out with her yet again.

A high percentage of vegan men look like lesbians.

Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.