The Middle East is America's 'champagne room'. No matter how much you spend, you will still never get what you want.

Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

Perhaps being hated in the right way is preferable to being loved in the wrong one.

We're in this together usually means I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour.

I wish I could be attracted to unattractive women. They're just more interesting.

A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.