The Middle East is America's 'champagne room'. No matter how much you spend, you will still never get what you want.

Sex sells, unless you're dehydrated in which case you'd be much more likely to purchase water.

Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.

My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.

If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.

If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.

Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?