Another thing rappers, I admire your rebellious spirit, but materialism is a form of mental slavery. Slow down on the jewelry, pick up a book.

I'd like you much better if you didn't like yourself so much.

Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

Comedy is a cruel mistress, especially if you're already seeing a really cruel mistress.

The worst part about people with bad personalities is they don't know it.

Being proud of your nationality is like congratulating yourself for inheriting money.