Being anti-social can also mean that you're aware of how annoying it is to be social.

I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.

We're in this together usually means I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

Dating is great unless you don't like horrible awkwardness, lying, and a deep foreboding sense of disappointment that never goes away.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.