Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.
I have a sneaking suspicion that leading an examined life and being really tan aren't consistent with one another.
Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.
I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
I'd find myself more interesting if I weren't with me all the time.
Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny.