Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.

Age is just a number, unless of course your trying to have a conversation with them.

I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.

People that say I have a 'fear of commitment' don't understand my relationship with popcorn.

The next actor I meet that uses the term 'courageous' to describe another actor's performance is getting punched in the face.

If no-eye contact sex were a sport, I'm not saying I'd make it to the Olympics, but I like my chances.

America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women.