There must be 15 shows about people's jobs: 'Ice Road Trucker,' 'Axe Men,' 'Dirty Jobs.' Unemployment is so high, we're watching people work.

Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile.

If no-eye contact sex were a sport, I'm not saying I'd make it to the Olympics, but I like my chances.

The worst part about people with bad personalities is they don't know it.

Anticipation almost always exceeds the reality of that which we anticipated.

At the gym; I've given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.