The worst part about people with bad personalities is they don't know it.

If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.

TV can be an acronym for television or transvestite. I prefer using it to describe the the latter. The former is strange and undignified.

It may not be in the constitution, but every American has a god-given right to provinciality and ignorance.

Drugs in a disco are great for white people because it allows them to feel more Puerto Rican while dancing.

You have the attention span of a large bug, and yet I don't feel good enough about myself to not date you.

Great marriages are like the Higgs Boson particle, its existence has been theorized, but no one has ever seen one.