The worst part about people with bad personalities is they don't know it.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

I hate to see a woman cry, unless of course I'm crying first in which case I feel it's appropriate.

I'd like to expand the definition of the word 'success' to include 'failure' as the one seems inseparable from the other.

Finding your voice is something you have to keep working at. Your voice as a comic evolves the same way that you evolve. You have to find out what works for you. How can you express your opinion, your take on the situations in a way that feels natural to you? That's where you find your voice.

Standup comedy is fun. I mean other than having to experience the excruciating lonlieness and unacknowledged sadness that results in funny.

I've decided to hire a 'food taster', not because I think anyone is trying to kill me, but because I want to make sure it's not to salty.