Oh, and once, when I was in the Marines, I got a perfect score on my physical fitness test.

I always thought I was going to die before I was 60.

Nevada's one of the most conservative states in the Union, but you can do what you want in Vegas and nobody judges you.

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?'

TV is easier: it's all planned out for you, and the audience is there to see a show and they are all pumped up, but when you are in a comedy club, you have to be really funny to win them over. To me, that's more pure.

Just because a guy has a shaved head, pierced nipples, and doesn't have sex with women doesn't make him gay. It just makes him down on his luck.

I am never out there just jogging for the heck of it. I never do that. I start to run with a goal in mind, whether it's a certain time or certain distance or a specific heart-rate goal, and then I am done.