Oh, and once, when I was in the Marines, I got a perfect score on my physical fitness test.

I was in the band when I was a kid, I played the trumpet.

The difference between Las Vegas and Atlantic City is the difference between getting conned by a beautiful call girl and getting mugged by a crack head.

I've always got stuff in my head in case I meet somebody like Steven Spielberg or someone like that, where I can hopefully say something to them that nobody else has ever said and get a laugh out of them.

And for you kids watching at home, remember, the less homework you do and the closer you sit to the TV, the more points you get.

Sometimes I like [being famous], sometimes I don't. I've always been a people watcher. I like to go to malls and just sit, and I can't do that very easily anymore.

Just because a guy has a shaved head, pierced nipples, and doesn't have sex with women doesn't make him gay. It just makes him down on his luck.