If frogs could fly... well we'd still be in this mess, but wouldn't it be neat?

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

I don't have a Bluetooth thing on my ear. That bugs me.

I think a lot of people are afraid of freedom. They want their lives to be controlled, to be put into a box... Why should someone put a limit on how much fun I can have, how much I can accomplish?

Who ever thought that the world-famous Captain Obvious was really mild-mannered Colin Mochrie?

I like to think of my house as nothing more than a glorified console for my television; the ultimate stereo cabinet.

Hollywood people are filled with guilt: white guilt, liberal guilt, money guilt. They feel bad that they're so rich, they feel they don't work that much for all that money - and they don't, for the amount of money they make.