I wanted to do a show based on what my life would be like if I had never become a comedian.

It sucks being fat, you know.

I am never out there just jogging for the heck of it. I never do that. I start to run with a goal in mind, whether it's a certain time or certain distance or a specific heart-rate goal, and then I am done.

Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with.

If you're wearing a Bluetooth thing and you've got that thing on your belt, you are working for somebody else. You are not the guy in charge. That's a really good social status indicator.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

I moved from Cleveland to L.A. with a girlfriend, we broke up, and I lived out of my car for a year and a half, on the road with nothing on my mind but getting my act good enough to be on 'The Tonight Show.'