I wanted to do a show based on what my life would be like if I had never become a comedian.

We'll never see national shows with 45 shares again.

I love the normalcy of Cleveland. There's regular people there.

I'm not a good lover, but at least I'm fast.

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

In any other job, they're truck drivers. In show-biz, they're Transportation Captains.

I actually was worried about the pounding, but I actually love running more than working out on the elliptical. Now if I get on the elliptical, I feel like I'm trapped.