I don't know, people take chances on stage. It's a big free speech zone, a comedy show. So sometimes things happen, you say things that are a little bit off the edge.

If you're wearing a Bluetooth thing and you've got that thing on your belt, you are working for somebody else. You are not the guy in charge. That's a really good social status indicator.

The Marines gave me a really strong sense of discipline and a work ethic that kicks in at my job.

Look, this is an odd question, but you're kind of cute and you're pretty nice to me. Are you drunk? It's OK if you are.

And for you kids watching at home, remember, the less homework you do and the closer you sit to the TV, the more points you get.

Yeah, apparently chasing a bus uses different muscles than sitting and eating.

What good is democracy if you can't get what you want?