Some people don't like competition because it makes them work harder, better.

In any other job, they're truck drivers. In show-biz, they're Transportation Captains.

The people of Cleveland hate soccer. But it's my favourite thing and I follow the U.S. men's national team around when they play whenever I can.

TV is easier: it's all planned out for you, and the audience is there to see a show and they are all pumped up, but when you are in a comedy club, you have to be really funny to win them over. To me, that's more pure.

The difference between Las Vegas and Atlantic City is the difference between getting conned by a beautiful call girl and getting mugged by a crack head.

And for you kids watching at home, remember, the less homework you do and the closer you sit to the TV, the more points you get.

When I thought I was retired, I wanted to travel around the world and watch soccer games.