Some people don't like competition because it makes them work harder, better.

Isn't it amazing that the Germans call their city halls 'rat houses'? That's what we should call our city halls!

Libertarians are essentially what the Republicans were 30 years ago. Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan. They'd all fit more under the Libertarian label than the modern day Republican label.

Even when people are rich and successful on TV shows, there's always some trouble - you have to poke holes in them, throw them out of a job, put a pie in the face.

When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show; it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.

I can't do that. I'm already the single guy living in his parents' house. I can't be seen digging a grave in the middle of the night.

Listen, you don't know any better so I'll just tell you. You can't try to save money by not having the right beer. You know, you can skip having medical insurance, you can buy everything you own at a swap meet but the right beer is what makes living like this possible.