I'm not against ratings per se. I think more information is always good. But I certainly don't think the government has to step in and set guidelines for how shows should be rated.

I'm down to earth; people sense that and they appreciate it.

I used to go to the library all the time when I was kid. As a teenager, I got a book on how to write jokes at the library, and that, in turn, launched my comedy career.

Listen, you don't know any better so I'll just tell you. You can't try to save money by not having the right beer. You know, you can skip having medical insurance, you can buy everything you own at a swap meet but the right beer is what makes living like this possible.

It sucks being fat, you know.

Isn't it amazing that the Germans call their city halls 'rat houses'? That's what we should call our city halls!

Yeah, apparently chasing a bus uses different muscles than sitting and eating.