I could still eat a cheeseburger if I wanted to. I just can't have them every day.

I tried out for 'Jeopardy' once, when they came to Cleveland, but I didn't make it.

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?'

Libertarians are conservatives who still get high.

Welcome to 'Who's Line Is It Anyway' the show where everything's made up and the points don't matter. That's right the points are just like Canada.

I always thought I was going to die before I was 60.

I have a position of indirect respect and oblique power.