Boy, a drive-through liquor store. God bless America! A place where you can drive through and buy whiskey, beer... just the thing for that drunk driver who's constantly on the go. Cant stop now! I've got places to go, people to hit!

Trust me, kids - your homework can wait. Don't need to be doing homework while Whose Line is on; skip it!

Violence doesn't solve anything? World War I. World War II. Star Wars. Every Super Bowl. Who says violence doesn't solve anything?

TV is easier: it's all planned out for you, and the audience is there to see a show and they are all pumped up, but when you are in a comedy club, you have to be really funny to win them over. To me, that's more pure.

Everybody in Hollywood loves symbolic gestures.

The difference between Las Vegas and Atlantic City is the difference between getting conned by a beautiful call girl and getting mugged by a crack head.

I moved from Cleveland to L.A. with a girlfriend, we broke up, and I lived out of my car for a year and a half, on the road with nothing on my mind but getting my act good enough to be on 'The Tonight Show.'