The only way I'd need a pain reliever to enjoy sex is if all of my fantasies came true at the same time.

I'm never afraid to die. I think that's the best thing that can happen to somebody is they get to move on and do something better.

Some people don't like competition because it makes them work harder, better.

I remember when I took a temp job... so I got a job at a department store. Something temporary to put on my resume, my parents said. Yeah... till I die!

I don't know, people take chances on stage. It's a big free speech zone, a comedy show. So sometimes things happen, you say things that are a little bit off the edge.

I used to go to the Cleveland Comedy Club all the time. If there was a comic I liked, I'd go see him two or three times that week. Bob Saget was one of those guys.

Who ever thought that the world-famous Captain Obvious was really mild-mannered Colin Mochrie?