I like to think of my house as nothing more than a glorified console for my television; the ultimate stereo cabinet.

George Carlin is kind of my template now because George Carlin before was straight laced regular comic and he had short hair, a tie, suit, nightclub guy. Then he said screw it, let his hair grow, just started telling what he thought was the truth. So that's what I'm trying to do.

I'm not against ratings per se. I think more information is always good. But I certainly don't think the government has to step in and set guidelines for how shows should be rated.

Vegas is everything that's right with America. You can do whatever you want, 24 hours a day. They've effectively legalized everything there.

Isn't it amazing that the Germans call their city halls 'rat houses'? That's what we should call our city halls!

Eating crappy food isn't a reward -- it's a punishment.

And for you kids watching at home, remember, the less homework you do and the closer you sit to the TV, the more points you get.