I don't know what people are going to think of my stand-up. If you only know me from 'The Price Is Right' and 'The Drew Carey Show,' then you might be a little bit shocked. I'm a little dirty and a little opinionated but all in fun.

There's no way I can justify my salary level, but I'm learning to live with it.

I have a position of indirect respect and oblique power.

We'll never see national shows with 45 shares again.

Reality shows always look for the worst people.

Look, this is an odd question, but you're kind of cute and you're pretty nice to me. Are you drunk? It's OK if you are.

I'm never afraid to die. I think that's the best thing that can happen to somebody is they get to move on and do something better.