Vegas is everything that's right with America. You can do whatever you want, 24 hours a day. They've effectively legalized everything there.

As far as exercising goes... watch for my next book, How I died while Jogging.

Reality shows always look for the worst people.

I actually was worried about the pounding, but I actually love running more than working out on the elliptical. Now if I get on the elliptical, I feel like I'm trapped.

I don't think there's hardly a comic out there that does clean material all the way around. There's a couple of guys that are clean, but I'm not one of them.

The first Monopoly game I played with my brothers, I hated losing so much, I just had to beat them.

Listen, you don't know any better so I'll just tell you. You can't try to save money by not having the right beer. You know, you can skip having medical insurance, you can buy everything you own at a swap meet but the right beer is what makes living like this possible.