I tried out for 'Jeopardy' once, when they came to Cleveland, but I didn't make it.

Funniest thing happened though, you wouldn't believe it, ha, the mannequins came to life. I went insane.

There's a game called Checkout where there's grocery items and it's how much you think the manufacturer's suggested retail price is and we add up your total, then your total has to be within $2 of the regular total. I don't think I could ever win that game.

In any other job, they're truck drivers. In show-biz, they're Transportation Captains.

I can't do that. I'm already the single guy living in his parents' house. I can't be seen digging a grave in the middle of the night.

Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

There's nothing like the energy in a small comedy club room or a small theater when it's going really well. I can see everybody's face practically in the whole room. There's no cameras in the way, and it's just me.