Yeah, apparently chasing a bus uses different muscles than sitting and eating.

Oh, and once, when I was in the Marines, I got a perfect score on my physical fitness test.

I'd buy joke books and try doing them at school; I always had jokes. That would be my go-to thing at parties: I'd be able to get through them if I just told enough jokes. Otherwise, I wouldn't end up talking to anybody.

At 'Price Is Right,' people feel so safe there and loved. And if you can't jump around on 'Price is Right,' then you can't jump around anywhere, you know?

Trust me, kids - your homework can wait. Don't need to be doing homework while Whose Line is on; skip it!

George Carlin is kind of my template now because George Carlin before was straight laced regular comic and he had short hair, a tie, suit, nightclub guy. Then he said screw it, let his hair grow, just started telling what he thought was the truth. So that's what I'm trying to do.

If frogs could fly... well we'd still be in this mess, but wouldn't it be neat?