Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called everybody, and they meet at the bar.

You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.

And for you kids watching at home, remember, the less homework you do and the closer you sit to the TV, the more points you get.

Reality shows always look for the worst people.

The only way I'd need a pain reliever to enjoy sex is if all of my fantasies came true at the same time.

Trust me, kids - your homework can wait. Don't need to be doing homework while Whose Line is on; skip it!

What right does a politician have to tell me what I can and cannot watch? Change the channel if you don't like what's on TV!