I don't miss the economic insecurity, the living paycheck to paycheck.

I do get the comics online I guess but it's such a pain. I'd rather just get them in the paper and read them.

I'm not a good lover, but at least I'm fast.

I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.

I just try to get people to laugh - I'm not trying to change the world or anything.

My cranky cardiologist says I'm destined to die in the kitchen.

Libertarians are conservatives who still get high.