There is only one thing for a man to do who is married to a woman who enjoys spending money, and that is to enjoy earning it.

I declare my belief that it is not your duty to do anything that is not to your own interest. Whenever it is unquestionably your duty to do a thing, then it will benefit you to perform that duty.

To be an ideal guest, stay at home.

A man should be taller, older, heavier, uglier, and hoarser than his wife.

When a friend is in trouble, don't annoy him by asking if there is anything you can do. Think up something appropriate and do it.

A woman does not spend all her time in buying things; she spends part of it in taking them back.

If you have sense enough to realize why flies gather around a restaurant, you should be able to appreciate why men run for office.