At first a woman doesn't want anything but a husband, but as soon as gets one, she wants everything else in the world.

A young man is a theory, an old man is a fact.

If you go to church, and like the singing better than the preaching, that's not orthodox.

When I am idle and shiftless, my affairs become confused; when I work, I get results ... not great results, but enough to encourage me.

One of the surprising things in this world is the respect a worthless man has for himself.

When a man diets, he eats oatmeal in addition to everything else he usually eats.

Love affairs have always greatly interested me, but I do not greatly care for them in books or moving pictures. In a love affair, I wish to be the hero, with no audience present.