I try to have no plans the failure of which would greatly annoy me. Half the unhappiness in the world is due to the failure of plans which were never reasonable, and often impossible.

Where the guests at a gathering are well-acquainted, they eat 20 per cent more than they otherwise would.

When a man tells you what people are saying about you, tell him what people are saying about him; that will immediately take his mind off your troubles.

There is only one thing for a man to do who is married to a woman who enjoys spending money, and that is to enjoy earning it.

Farmers only worry during the growing season, but townspeople worry all the time.

You can make up a quarrel, but it will always show where it was patched.

If you want to know how old a woman is . . . ask her sister-in-law.