When the sun comes up, I have morals again.

Here is what is needed for Occupy Wall Street to become a force for change: a clear, and clearly expressed, objective. Or two.

There's only one difference between Jews and Catholics. Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.

When I was growing up in comedy, there were maybe 10 comics in the whole country. Everyone had a day job. You worked free for years in little clubs, then you got your big break and became a star.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.

Real comedy can't be learned; it comes from a need for justice. The best who stand up, stand up for something.

People want sex education out of the schools. They believe sex education causes promiscuity. Hey, I took algebra, but I never do math.