Most people love animals, and most people love to laugh. Combining the two makes both resonate deeper.

Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.

President Bush said he didn't want to renew the Assault Weapons Ban because it might 'infringe on hunters' rights'. Who needs an AK-47 machine gun to go hunting? Let me tell you guys something... If it takes you 500 rounds to bring down a deer, I don't want you going to the bathroom in MY house!

I run everywhere and eavesdrop. It's the best way to see a city.

I can tell by your eye shadow, you're from Brooklyn, right? . . . Me too. My mother has plastic covers on all the furniture. Even the poodle. Looked like a barking hassock walking down the street.

A man who was loved by 300 woman singled me out to live with him. Why? I was the only one without a cat.