When I played the Sahara Hotel in Las Vegas on New Year's Eve, I got to bring Wiley, my 85-pound black lab. He's responsible for my favorite New Year's memory of all: At the end of the show, he ran onstage and then out across all the tables in the showroom, sending champagne glasses and gamblers flying.

Sometimes, if you really don't know how you feel about a topic, reading how both sides argue it can help.

It doesn't bother me that I'm not a household word on the East Coast. Baton Rouge, Raleigh, Minneapolis - I'm so popular in these cities where you've never imagined an East Coast comedian working.

You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.

When I was growing up in comedy, there were maybe 10 comics in the whole country. Everyone had a day job. You worked free for years in little clubs, then you got your big break and became a star.

Laundry's easier when you live alone. Fifteen minutes before a date, put 'em on, dry 'em with a hair blower.

Turkeys know their names, come when you call, and are totally affectionate. They're better than teenagers.