Calgary wins for my coldest New Year's Eve gig. That's when I learned Fahrenheit and Celsius cross at 40 below. I could see callers' breath coming out of my phone.

I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.

I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone.

I didn't get a high school diploma. I really didn't have much of an education, which left me open to educating myself throughout my life, without the limitations on intellectual curiosity a formal education can impose. I followed what interested me.

I have no complaints about losing money I put in high-risk investments. I did some of that when I had real money; my informed choice, my measured gamble.

I am thankful that all the people in the world who absolutely, positively, know what God wants, usually kill mostly each other.