Calgary wins for my coldest New Year's Eve gig. That's when I learned Fahrenheit and Celsius cross at 40 below. I could see callers' breath coming out of my phone.

Horse racing is waning in popularity.

I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.

Most people love animals, and most people love to laugh. Combining the two makes both resonate deeper.

I can't get married. I can't fake sleep for 30 years.

Now that the Court has declared money to be speech, I say we replace the current Court with some Ben Franklins, Thomas Jeffersons, George Washingtons, a couple of Susan B. Anthony's, Roosevelts, Hamiltons, a Sacajawea or two, and an Abe Lincoln to cover Scalia in full.

What do hookers do on their nights off, type?