Calgary wins for my coldest New Year's Eve gig. That's when I learned Fahrenheit and Celsius cross at 40 below. I could see callers' breath coming out of my phone.

A study last year showed that the page you turn to first in the newspaper can be a predictor of how long you will live. No surprise, turning first to the Comics Pages prolongs your life.

I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.

I think about death. I don't want to die with clothes in the cleaners.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.

I'd much rather see Richard Pryor or Jackie Mason in a theater than in a club.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.