Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

A man who was loved by 300 woman singled me out to live with him. Why? I was the only one without a cat.

I’ve thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages, and had the ability to make it all funny, entertaining, and pertinent.

A study last year showed that the page you turn to first in the newspaper can be a predictor of how long you will live. No surprise, turning first to the Comics Pages prolongs your life.

I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.

You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.