Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'

Horse racing is waning in popularity.

Why isn't the movie industry forced to open its shooting locations to an organization that is there to advocate for animal actors? The industry isn't allowed to pick and choose which movies using young children it will or won't allow to be monitored. The vulnerable should be protected.

San Francisco is really fun and liberal, and it's my kind of politics. It's like being Jewish in front of Jewish people.

I read books that say if you want to keep sex hot you tell a person what you want. How do you tell 'em you want somebody else?

I think when you take off that jacket and they see that ‘I LOVE GRANDMA’ T-shirt, they’re going to rip your heart out.