You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.

We've seen the uproars around the world concerning cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammad. Anyone who does not think comic strips are relevant never had a fatwa put on him/her for drawing a picture.

My brother is gay and my parents don't care, as long as he marries a doctor.

President Bush said he didn't want to renew the Assault Weapons Ban because it might 'infringe on hunters' rights'. Who needs an AK-47 machine gun to go hunting? Let me tell you guys something... If it takes you 500 rounds to bring down a deer, I don't want you going to the bathroom in MY house!

I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.

For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.

For me, comedy is a day-to-day report on the human condition. It's what's happening right now. I get maybe 20 minutes of my act straight from the newspaper.