Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream 'You're the best' while swearing you've never done this with anyone before.

Many animal rescue organizations hit with a hard-core, heartbreaking message. Their videos and stories can become difficult for average people to watch. By taking a more positive, heartwarming approach to animal rescue, I've been able to engage people and keep them engaged for years. Instead of selling the agony and misery - and sadly, there is no shortage of that - I start with the happy endings. I work backwards so the first message they get is joy and success due to their involvement. Opening the mind with humor and joy gets the rescue message in that much deeper.

People want sex education out of the schools. They believe sex education causes promiscuity. Hey, I took algebra, but I never do math.

I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.

My family was totally non-religious. There was no question we were Jewish, but we were not observant.

You know you're getting fat when you step on the dog's tail and he dies.

Comedy is a blood sport. It flays the truth and spurts twisted logic. In America, people become comics because we don't have bullfighting.