Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream 'You're the best' while swearing you've never done this with anyone before.

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

I run everywhere and eavesdrop. It's the best way to see a city.

Men put all kinds of expectations on you. They want you to scream 'You're the best' while swearing you've never done this with anyone before.

When I played the Sahara Hotel in Las Vegas on New Year's Eve, I got to bring Wiley, my 85-pound black lab. He's responsible for my favorite New Year's memory of all: At the end of the show, he ran onstage and then out across all the tables in the showroom, sending champagne glasses and gamblers flying.

I think when you take off that jacket and they see that ‘I LOVE GRANDMA’ T-shirt, they’re going to rip your heart out.

When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. It's a whole different way of thinking.