President Reagan is a lot like E.T. He's cute, he's lovable, and he knows nothing about how Americans live.

San Francisco is really fun and liberal, and it's my kind of politics. It's like being Jewish in front of Jewish people.

Wouldn't it be great if you could only get AIDS by giving money to television preachers?

I am thankful the most important key in history was invented. It's not the key to your house, your car, your boat, your safety deposit box, your bike lock or your private community. It's the key to order, sanity, and peace of mind. The key is 'Delete.'

My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.

You know you are in love when you are willing to share your cash-machine number.

Here is what is needed for Occupy Wall Street to become a force for change: a clear, and clearly expressed, objective. Or two.