President Reagan is a lot like E.T. He's cute, he's lovable, and he knows nothing about how Americans live.

Every time we help an animal, we are healing ourselves, over and over.

As a standup comedian, I've worked almost every New Year's Eve of my adult life. It's the best-paying night of the year.

Men in power always seem to get involved in sex scandals, but women don't even have a word for 'male bimbo.' Except maybe 'senator.

Laundry's easier when you live alone. Fifteen minutes before a date, put 'em on, dry 'em with a hair blower.

Many animal rescue organizations hit with a hard-core, heartbreaking message. Their videos and stories can become difficult for average people to watch. By taking a more positive, heartwarming approach to animal rescue, I've been able to engage people and keep them engaged for years. Instead of selling the agony and misery - and sadly, there is no shortage of that - I start with the happy endings. I work backwards so the first message they get is joy and success due to their involvement. Opening the mind with humor and joy gets the rescue message in that much deeper.

I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about.